Monkey to the sea, squids for the lose

by MrChrister

Step 1 of the plan:

The monkeys have spears. Do I need to spell this one out for you? The MONKEYS have SPEARS. This is not a drill. Who amongst us has not heard or worse seen a monkey hurl its doody at a person or a crowd. Monkeys, chimps, gorillas…. they do not like us. It might be jealousy of our television, it might be anger at it. To me, it doesn’t really matter.

Step 2 of the plan:

Sink holes. Big ones. This is really just a secondary step. It makes the retreat harder, basically setting us up as sitting ducks for the spear monkey army. Having to dodge this pit of death will only make the monkey’s happy. I would even go so far as to suggest we drop the term “sitting duck” and make it “sitting human”, cause this is how it will break down. Plus, if mother Earth decides that there are to many monkey casualties (cause you know some fool will fight back) then the earth will just start swallowing our tanks. It is more or less flawless.

Step 3 of the plan:

Three parter. The end result is annihilation via the sea. Seeing as how swimming isn’t really a sport or an exercise, but a struggle for life, it is clear humans don’t belong in the ocean. Not for long periods of time. We turn prune-y. We flail and splash, and all but the best of us go very very slow. Ideal for being eaten, not so hot if survival is your bag. Warm water or cold water, we are done for.

  1. Giants squids Box jelly fish Mean squids

Lets not even get started on the virgin birth hammerhead shark. If it was immaculate conception, then I would have to say Sting Rays: 2 Evil:0.

The only salvation:

BEFRIEND THE STINGRAY. They are basically cool looking. They take no guff, they kill what needs killing and if you are chill, they will let you ride on them. They aren’t two face like dolphins. The sting ray are our only hope. We need to start breeding programs, and have the military complex investigate fitting sting rays with lasers and missile launchers. I know you are probably think attack bears with missiles, but by the time we have the technology it might be too late.

I updated the site a bit

by MrChrister

There are still plenty of hidden links to things, and by hidden I mean they don’t exist

Cause remember kids, when you want to put on a good face, the least smart thing to do is put dirty jokes and nasty pictures on the Internet. Some people use these deals called Search Engines© that can find out stuff you didn’t want people to know.

The Internet is public. And it must be treated as so. I won’t have my super secret personal thoughts published for the world. That kind of stuff is best left crammed deep down inside.

Why right now, I don’ t have the foggiest who you might be. You could be a born again family member, perchance you are a potential employer. Please understand that hiding what I say and not posting wacky antics on a public facing Internet site are two different things. I am not pretending I don’t tell jokes, I would never lead you to believe I don’t think racy or off color things are entertaining. I just won’t tell you which ones exactly.

Like not putting a bumper sticker on my car doesn’t make me a target to those who disagree with me, not putting the dregs of the barrel online might save a virtual keying. Please let us not start on the topic of people who believe so deeply in their position they would set little bags of e-Dogdoo aflame on my iPorch.

Crappy Roommate is getting some hits

by MrChrister

I had a bad roommate myself. He smoked in the house. He wasn’t so very clean. But at the very least I liked the guy and we were buds. I think it is easy to be a dude’s buddy if he doesn’t fill the toilet full of fecal lasagna.

I have had some really cool guys be my roommates in the past; a spectrum full of men different then me and willing to lend their personalities to the overall picture of me. For that I thank you all. I can cook potatoes, light a cigarette, run a business, respect cologne usage, despise perverts and criminals with a vicious ire and even dance a little.

Peace to y’all

The best idea I have ever had

by MrChrister

The best sort of thing to do with a journal, especially a public facing one, is to lambaste oneself and archive that information on a distant spot with not control over the information once it is posted. The most preferable type of information is anger. A generous sprinkling of expletives and you will soon amass yourself a fine catalog of embarrassing material to prevent future employment and perhaps even relationships.

To this end I will only give out pleasantries and complements to all. To anyone who reads this. You look wonderful, and I really like that sweater on you! To anybody who is snooping around, I bet you bake the meanest and most delicious brownies this side of the Mississip’ and if I could have a plate again I would consider myself a lucky man.

A special note to all my current and future employers, relationships, friends, religious mentors, karate instructors or doctors: I am impressed with your down to earth attitudes and intellectual common sense. I am better for knowing you all.

Finally, if you are reading up on me because you know me or think you might know me from the past, let me just say that I am pleased as punch that you could take the time to stop by. I have really missed seeing you, and I am so happy to get to see you again.

Wyse Guys Computers is no longer in business

by MrChrister

Wyse Guys Mobile Computer Support of Southern Oregon has gone out of business. We didn’t fail though! Far From it. In fact, thanks to all of our many many loyal customers, quitting such a successful business was a hard decision to make. We loved serving all of you. As things would happen, better opportunities have come along for all of us. Read the Frequently Asked Questions to see what we are up to now. Don’t fret, if we have served you in the past, then you know that we would never leave you hanging for support. There are people you can call, there are websites to visit, and resources to help you out. Best of all, now all the help is all free!

This site is now a partial test bed for internet software. Chris Zwemke was working for a web design firm in Medford, OR. Scarab Media has been serving the Rogue Valley and beyond since 1993, and have hired Chris to program their latest acquisistion, the Pilot Cart e-commerce solution.  After Chris left the company to begin his family in other parts of the state, Scarab Media was purchased by Project A, another local web development group.