Church of Buffett, Orthodox

Church Of Buffett Creed

For those of you who know of the Church of Buffett, Orthodox, here is its creed for which we all should follow.

  1. Jimmy Buffett is revered as chief poet, insofar as he has best espoused a philosophy of cheerful hedonism.

  2. The albums of Buffett constitute the Church’s holy writ, with the following exceptions:

    a. A1A, White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean, Havana Daydreamin’, and Livin’ and Dyin’ in 3/4 Time constitute the “spiritual core” of our holy canon.

    b. Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes is the most troubling part of scripture; some advocates believe it belongs in (a), while I believe that, since it contains the apostasy of “Margaritaville,” it does not belong with those other enlightened works.

    c. No albums that come after Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes are as good as any album that came before Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes. This does not mean that JB has made no good music since Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes; it merely means that these later albums are not infused throughout with the blissful karma that blessed the earlier ones.

  3. The actions of the real-time Jimmy are also problematical; we hold out for his eventual redemption, but if he continues his slide towards commercialism, we still have the works mentioned in (2a) as the solid rock of our faith. We are also grateful for the 1 or 2 cuts per new album that are worthy of the “core” works. Also, many of us have seen JB in the old, pre-neo-Jazz-caribbean-steel- drum-cum-backup-singers-Beach-Boy-lookalike days; memories of these ancient concerts (as well as bootlegs!) keep us going as well. 3a. Many CoB,O brethren view Todd Snider as the rightful heir to the title of Chief Poet, Cheerful Hedonism division.

    And finally (and most importantly!)

  4. Marvin Gardens lives!!!!!

Well, that about does it. It’s the easiest church to join: just say a couple of Hail Bloody Marys, and you’re in. Disenchanted Parrot Heads are welcome; after all, even Martin Luther was a disenchanted Rome Head.

Special thanks to Bruce Gilbert, patron saint of the Landlocked Diocese, for putting our beliefs on paper.

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